By Rev. Dr. Terence K. Leathers
You can love your family and still wonder whether you have let them down.
Maybe you wish you had been more present for your children, or you question
whether you are doing enough for an aging parent. If you are carrying that
regret, you deserve room to talk about it without being reduced to your
mistakes.
I know that feeling as a father. Looking back at my daughter’s life, I
can see where I could have been more present and listened with greater
patience. Those are hard things to admit when you love someone and wish you had
handled certain moments differently.
As a son, I ask myself whether I am doing enough for my mother, who is
presently in a care facility. I am trying to do as much as I can, but the
question stays with me. Perhaps you know what it feels like to give what you
have and still wonder whether it is enough.
Being a man does not mean getting everything right. I am learning that
strength includes being able to say, “I was wrong, I could have done better,
and I’m sorry.” We need room for men to have that conversation and support as
they decide what to do next.
Regret can show you where something needs to change, but it does not have
to define the rest of your life. Where you have caused hurt, begin by listening
to the person affected and taking responsibility for your part. An apology may
open the conversation; following through gives that person a reason to believe
something is changing.
Writing Portrait of a Queen: Finding Faith, Hope, and Healing After
Loss led me to look at myself. I cannot change yesterday, but I can use
what I have learned to make different choices today. My faith reminds me that
failure does not get the last word; God does.
What will you do with what failure has taught you? Give yourself time to
answer honestly, then choose one step you can take today. You may need to offer
an apology or have a conversation with someone you trust about what you have
been carrying.
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