The Pastor Cannot Carry the Church’s Grief Alone

By Rev. Dr. Terence K. Leathers

When someone dies, people naturally look toward the pastor.

The pastor receives the call. The pastor goes to the hospital or the home. The pastor sits with the family, prays with them, helps them make sense of what has happened, prepares the funeral, delivers the eulogy, stands at the graveside, and tries to provide a steady presence during one of the most difficult moments of their lives.

This is sacred work. It is part of the privilege and responsibility of pastoral ministry.

But then another member dies.

Another family experiences a crisis. Someone else is approaching the anniversary of a spouse’s death. A widow who seemed to be doing well suddenly begins struggling. A family needs counseling. Someone loses a child. Another member is grieving a parent. Meanwhile, the pastor is still preaching, teaching, leading meetings, counseling, visiting the sick, managing conflict, providing vision, responding to emergencies, and carrying the ordinary responsibilities of congregational leadership.

The problem is not that the pastor does not care.

The problem is that one person cannot sustainably carry the grief of an entire congregation.

Bearing One Another’s Burdens

Galatians 6:2 tells us, “Bear ye one another’s burdens, and so fulfil the law of Christ.”

Notice that Scripture does not say that the pastor alone should bear the burdens of the church. Caring for hurting people is part of what it means to be the church.

This shift requires education because many congregations have developed a pastoral-care culture in which care is expected to flow primarily through the pastor. Members may sincerely believe, “That is what the pastor is here for.” And pastors, because they deeply love their people, often accept that responsibility.

But sustainable grief care requires us to move from a model in which the pastor is the primary provider of nearly all care toward one in which the pastor becomes both a provider and leader of care.

That distinction matters.

There are responsibilities that appropriately belong to the pastor. There are moments when the grieving person needs the presence of his or her pastor. Pastoral leadership, spiritual guidance, funeral ministry, significant family conversations, theological questions, and serious crises should not simply be handed to someone else.

But there are other expressions of care that prepared people within the congregation can share.

Who remembers the first anniversary of the death? Who makes the follow-up telephone call three months after the funeral? Who checks on the widow who is suddenly eating dinner alone every evening? Who sends the card on the deceased person’s birthday? Who notices that someone who lost a loved one has stopped attending worship? Who simply sits and listens when the grieving person needs to tell the story again?

Those acts of care do not always require the pastor.

They require a caring church.

Shared Care Is Not Abandoning Care

Some pastors may worry that involving others will make grieving families feel that they are being handed off.

That should never be the goal.

Shared care should communicate exactly the opposite:

“Your church has not forgotten you.”

The pastor may remain connected while trained staff, deacons, ministers, ministry leaders, or carefully selected laypersons provide additional layers of support. Instead of one person attempting to remember every need, the congregation begins developing a network of compassionate presence.

The question becomes not simply, “How can I care for everybody?”

It becomes, “How can I lead a church that cares for people?”

That is an important shift in pastoral leadership.

Building Care That Can Continue

Every pastor and church leader should consider some practical questions:

Who else in our congregation has the compassion and maturity to participate appropriately in grief care? What responsibilities could safely be shared? How would the pastor and care team communicate so that people do not fall through the cracks? Who provides oversight? What situations should immediately be referred back to the pastor or to a qualified mental health professional?

There is another question that may be even more revealing:

What happens to our grief ministry when the pastor is unavailable?

What happens if the pastor becomes ill?

What happens during vacation or sabbatical?

What happens when several families experience losses at approximately the same time?

What happens when the pastor retires?

If meaningful grief care largely stops when the pastor is unavailable, the church may not yet have a sustainable grief-care ministry. It may have a caring pastor.

There is an important difference.

The goal is not to diminish pastoral care. The goal is to multiply it.

A pastor should not become less compassionate as others become involved. Instead, the pastor’s compassion begins shaping the culture of the congregation until caring for grieving people becomes part of the church’s understanding of itself.

The church begins to understand that we bear one another’s burdens.

We notice.

We remember.

We call.

We visit.

We listen.

We pray.

And we continue caring long after the funeral is over.

That kind of ministry also protects continuity. Pastors change. Staff members change. Leadership changes. But a congregation that has learned how to care can continue caring across generations of leadership.

So perhaps the question pastors should ask is not simply, “Am I providing good pastoral care?”

The deeper leadership question is:

“Have I built a church that helps me provide care, or have I built a church in which providing care still depends primarily on me?”

If the answer is that too much still depends upon the pastor, that realization should not produce guilt. It should produce a plan.

Because the next question becomes unavoidable:

If others are going to help carry this sacred responsibility, how do we prepare them to do it well?

 

Can I Get Grant Money to Start an After-School Program?

 By Dr. Teresa A. Smith

You have an idea for an after-school program because you see children who need a safe place, academic help, or better opportunities once the school day ends. Your first question may be, “Where can I find a grant to pay for it?” Yes, grant funding may be available, but a good idea by itself is not enough. Funders want to know who will operate the program, which children it will serve, what need the program will address, and how the work will be managed.

A grant is money awarded for a specific purpose under a set of written rules. Depending on the opportunity, it may cover expenses such as staff, supplies, meals, transportation, technology, or program activities. You usually do not repay a grant like a loan, but you must use the money as approved, track expenses, and report what the program accomplished. Before you chase a grant, you need to understand what accepting one will require.

Your next question should be, “Am I eligible to apply?” Most federal grant opportunities are for organizations rather than individuals, although eligibility depends on the specific grant. Schools, nonprofits, local governments, tribal organizations, community groups, faith-based organizations, and some private entities may qualify for certain opportunities. If you are one person with an idea for an after-school program, you will usually need an eligible organization behind the program rather than simply applying as an individual.

One major source of after-school funding is the federal 21^st Century Community Learning Centers program, often called 21^st CCLC. States hold competitions and award the funds to eligible organizations for programs that provide academic enrichment and other activities outside regular school hours while also engaging students’ families. You must read your state’s current application to learn who can apply, which students must be served, and what the program must provide.

From my experience developing grants and operating a 21^st CCLC program, I can tell you that funders are not only funding activities. They are funding an organization’s ability to carry those activities out responsibly. Before applying, you should be able to explain where the program will operate, how students will get home safely, who will supervise them, what schools will be involved, what the budget will cover, and how you will know the program is helping. For 21^st CCLC funding, federal requirements specifically address safe and accessible facilities, transportation, community need, school collaboration, evaluation, and a plan for continuing after the grant ends.

Can a grant pay some of the costs of starting the program? Sometimes, but only when those expenses are allowed and your application is funded. Grant competitions take time, and an application is not an award. Do not sign a lease, hire staff, or promise services based on money you have not received.

Start with the community need, not the grant search. Talk with schools and families, identify the children you plan to serve, learn what programs already exist, and write down the gap your program would fill. Then look for funding opportunities that match your plan instead of changing your plan to chase any grant that appears. Grant money may help you start an after-school program, but your first real investment is building a program that is clear, needed, eligible, and ready to operate.

 

Winning the Grant Was the Beginning: Is Your Organization Ready to Operate What It Promised?

By Dr. Teresa A. Smith

The award notice arrives, the celebration begins, and everyone feels relieved. Your organization secured the funding, which may have taken months of planning, writing, budgeting, and waiting. Then comes the question that should have been asked before the application was submitted: Are we prepared to operate what we promised?

Winning a grant confirms that a funder approved your proposal. It doesn’t confirm that your organization has the people, systems, leadership capacity, or operating structure needed to carry it out. A well-written application may describe a strong program, but the quality of that program will depend on what happens after the funding arrives.

The Proposal Described the Work. Now the Organization Must Deliver It.

Post-award work requires more than following the narrative and spending from the approved budget. Leaders must translate written commitments into staffing decisions, operating procedures, program schedules, partnerships, documentation practices, financial processes, and clear responsibilities. For federal awards, recipients are responsible for meeting the administrative, financial, programmatic, and reporting requirements that apply to the award.

This is where some organizations discover that they prepared to compete for funding but didn’t prepare to manage it. Positions remain vacant longer than expected. Partners aren’t clear about their roles, program staff interpret expectations differently, and financial procedures don’t match daily operations. If several sites are involved, those gaps may produce different versions of the same program.

Before implementation moves forward, leadership should be able to answer:

• Who has the authority to make program, staffing, and budget decisions?
• Does each position have clearly defined responsibilities?
• Can the organization recruit, train, supervise, and retain the staff needed?
• Do program and fiscal leaders understand where their responsibilities connect?
• Are sites working from the same expectations, procedures, and quality standards?
• How will leaders know whether the program is operating as proposed?
• What happens when staffing, participation, partnerships, or service delivery doesn’t go as planned?

These questions aren’t signs that the organization lacks confidence. They help leadership identify where written plans still need operating decisions. Addressing those decisions early can prevent confusion from becoming the program’s normal way of working.

Readiness Must Be Examined Across the Organization

Program leaders shouldn’t carry post-award implementation alone. Executive leadership, finance staff, human resources, site leaders, data staff, and community partners may all hold part of the operation. When those parts aren’t coordinated, the program director often becomes the person trying to connect decisions that should have been settled across the organization.

Readiness should be evaluated in several areas:

• Leadership ownership and decision-making authority
• Staffing, supervision, and professional development
• Financial controls and communication
• Program procedures and site expectations
• Data collection, documentation, and reporting
• Partner responsibilities and accountability
• Monitoring, problem-solving, and continuous improvement

A document in a shared folder doesn’t prove that a system is functioning. Leaders need to know whether people understand the process, have the tools to follow it, and receive support when conditions change. Federal requirements call for recipients and subrecipients to establish and maintain effective internal control over federal awards.

Don’t Wait for Problems to Test Your Capacity

The first months of a grant shouldn’t become an expensive, real-time readiness assessment. Once services begin, weaknesses in hiring, supervision, communication, purchasing, documentation, or site coordination can quickly affect program quality. Leaders may then spend their time reacting to preventable problems instead of strengthening implementation.

Winning the grant was an important accomplishment, but it was never the finish line. The stronger question is whether your organization can turn its commitments into a program that operates consistently, responsibly, and as intended. That requires an honest review of capacity before the work gains momentum.

DQ Consulting, LLC provides post-award readiness and implementation support for 21st CCLC and related afterschool and summer programs. If your organization has received funding and needs to assess whether its people, systems, and operations are prepared, contact DQ Consulting before implementation gaps become program problems. The goal isn’t simply to have a funded program, but to build one your organization can operate well.

You See a Problem in Your Community. Where Do You Start?

By Dr. Teresa A. Smith and Rev. Dr. Terence K. Leathers

You keep seeing the same problem. Children have nowhere safe to go after school. Older adults are isolated. Families can’t find affordable food, transportation, or support after a loss. You want to help, but the problem feels too large, and you don’t know whether to start a program, form an organization, apply for a grant, or call a meeting.

Start by slowing down long enough to understand what you’re seeing. Concern can move you to act, but concern alone doesn’t tell you what the community needs. Write the problem in one plain sentence without adding your solution. “Teenagers need a recreation center” already assumes the answer, while “teenagers say they have few safe places to gather after school” gives you room to investigate.

Next, talk with the people who live with the issue. Ask what they are experiencing, what they have tried, what gets in the way, and what they believe would help. Listen to residents, service providers, local leaders, churches, schools, and others who see different parts of the problem. People aren’t simply sources of information, and they shouldn’t be treated as a project someone else has come to fix.

Listening matters even more when a community has faced loss, displacement, violence, or repeated disappointment. A new idea may sound hopeful to you while someone else may remember a program that disappeared or a promise that wasn’t kept. Resistance doesn’t always mean people don’t care. It may mean you need to understand the history, build trust, and invite people into the work before asking them to support it.

Then compare what you heard with information you can verify. Look at school reports, public records, local surveys, service waitlists, or other reliable sources connected to the issue. Look at both what the community needs and what resources it already has. Numbers can show how often something happens, while conversations can help you understand what those numbers don't show.

Before creating anything new, find out what already exists. Another group may offer part of the solution but lack transportation, volunteers, space, funding, or public awareness. A school may have families who need help, while a church has an unused room and a neighborhood resident has years of relevant experience. When you map those pieces, you may discover that the first need isn’t a new organization. It may be a stronger connection between people and resources already present.

Now choose one part of the problem you can address responsibly. Decide who you want to help, what change you’re trying to create, what action you will test, who needs to be involved, and how you will know whether it helped. Start small enough to learn. A small pilot with clear responsibilities can teach you more than spending months building a large plan around assumptions.

This is also the point to ask whether you are the right person to lead, support, convene, or step aside. Caring about a problem doesn’t automatically make one person the owner of the solution. Community work becomes stronger when leadership is shared with those closest to the issue and when each partner knows what they are responsible for doing.

Seeing the problem is the beginning, but your first move isn’t to chase money or announce a program. Your first move is to listen, verify what you're seeing, and understand what resources are already present. Once you can clearly describe the problem without assuming you already know the solution, you're ready to ask a more important question: What does this community really need?

What Happens After the Final School Bell Rings?

 

By Dr. Teresa A. Smith

The school day may end at three, but a family’s need for support does not. Parents may still be working, students may need help with schoolwork, and some young people may not have a safe place to go. If that sounds familiar, your community may need an afterschool program designed around what students and families are actually experiencing.  It may need an afterschool program designed around what students and families are actually experiencing.

Before searching for funding, take a closer look at what happens after students leave school. Do they go home alone, depend on an older sibling, or wait for a parent to finish work? Are they struggling with reading or math but unable to receive extra help? The answers can reveal needs that may not be visible during the regular school day.

What Can 21st CCLC Funding Support?

The 21st Century Community Learning Centers program (21st CCLC) is a federal program that provides funding to states. States then award grants to eligible organizations through a competitive process. The funding supports learning opportunities during times when school isn’t in session, including before school, after school, and summer.

According to federal law, programs may offer academic enrichment, tutoring, arts, music, physical activity, technology, career exploration, and other services that support students. Programs may also provide families with opportunities to become more involved in their children’s education. These activities should complement what students are learning during the school day and respond to their academic needs.

This means 21st CCLC isn’t simply funding for any collection of afterschool activities. A program must be able to explain which students need support, what those students need, and how the proposed services will respond. Starting with a list of exciting activities may sound appealing, but it doesn’t explain why the program is needed.

Begin With the Need, Not the Grant

As a former 21st CCLC program director and grant writer, I learned that a strong program doesn’t begin with the application. It begins with listening, asking questions, and examining what students and families face after school. That information helps an organization move beyond what it wants to offer and focus on what the community needs.

Suppose families say their children need homework help, but transportation prevents them from attending existing programs. Tutoring alone won’t solve the problem if students can’t reach the program or get home afterward. The organization may need to consider transportation, program hours, staffing, and family schedules as part of its plan.

Another community may discover that students have academic support but few opportunities to explore science, art, technology, or careers. That finding could lead to a different kind of afterschool program. The design should follow the need instead of forcing every community into the same model.

What Should Your Organization Ask?

Begin by asking what students currently do after school and where families experience gaps. Talk with students, parents, educators, school leaders, and organizations already serving young people. Listen for concerns that appear across several conversations, such as limited supervision, transportation problems, academic struggles, or a lack of enrichment opportunities.

Next, consider whether a new program is needed or whether an existing program could be expanded. Your community may already have organizations doing part of the work, even if their services don’t reach every student. Understanding what already exists can help you identify missing services and possible partners.

Could This Funding Fit Your Community?

Finding a need doesn’t automatically mean 21st CCLC is the right funding source. Your organization will still need to review the current grant requirements issued by its state and determine whether the opportunity matches the students it wants to serve. For now, the important question is whether you can clearly explain what happens after the final school bell rings and why additional support is needed.

That answer gives you a place to begin. It can guide the program you create, the partners you involve, and the funding opportunities you consider. To continue learning about 21st Century Community Learning Centers and whether this funding may fit your organization or community, follow Dr. TAS and visit AskDrTAS.com.

After the Funeral: The Grief-Care Gap Churches Must Address

 By Rev. Dr. Terence K. Leathers

The funeral is over.

The flowers have faded, the meals have ended, relatives have returned home, and the phone has grown quiet. Church members have resumed their routines, but the grieving person has not returned to normal.

During the days surrounding a death, activity and support are often abundant. Family members arrive, the pastor visits, meals are delivered, and the funeral is planned. Then the funeral ends, the house grows quiet, and grief may become even more real.

A grieving spouse wakes to an empty side of the bed. A son reaches for the phone before remembering his mother will not answer. A familiar song, place, birthday, anniversary, or holiday can make the loss feel immediate again. 

The church may feel that an important season of ministry has ended. The grieving person may feel that theirs has only begun.

Responding to Death Is Not the Same as Continuing Grief Care

Churches often respond compassionately when someone dies. They visit, pray, organize meals, prepare funerals, serve families, and stand with them at the cemetery. These ministries matter. Let me repeat: these ministries matter.

But church leaders must also ask:

What happens next?

The funeral has a date on the calendar. Grief does not. Loneliness and sorrow may surface months later, especially on birthdays, anniversaries, holidays, or ordinary days when the loss is suddenly felt again.

This is where a grief-care gap can develop. It usually does not result from a lack of compassion. Most congregations genuinely care.

The problem is continuity.

The View From Both Sides

From the grieving person’s perspective, the sudden decrease in contact can be painful. After days of constant attention, silence may feel like abandonment, even when others have simply returned to their responsibilities.

Pastors, meanwhile, must continue serving other families and managing the many demands of ministry. The church has not stopped caring; the demands of ministry have simply moved on.

That is why continuing grief care cannot depend entirely on whether a pastor remembers to make another call.

Pastoral compassion must eventually become congregational capacity.

Moving From Personal Care to Intentional Care

Church leaders should ask more than, “Did I call the family?” They should also ask: 

· Who knows that this person is still grieving?

· Who is responsible for following up?

· When should that follow-up occur?

· How will we know whether it happened?

These questions turn good intentions into intentional ministry.

Not every congregation needs a new grief ministry or committee. The first step is to examine what already happens. Follow a grieving family’s experience from the time of the death through the months after the funeral.

Where does the church remain connected? Where does communication fade? Where does responsibility become unclear?

The answers may show that the church responds well to death but is less prepared to accompany people through grief.

The Church Does Not Have to Do Everything Alone

Congregations do not have to provide every form of grief care themselves. Pastors should know the resources available in their communities, including hospice bereavement services, hospital programs, counselors, support groups, grief resources available through funeral homes, and other churches.

Referring someone for additional help is not a failure. Good pastoral leadership includes knowing what the church can provide and where specialized support is available.

The church can remain spiritually and relationally present while connecting grieving people with appropriate resources.

Questions Worth Asking

Church leaders might discuss these questions: 

· What normally happens in the months after a funeral?

· Who checks on grieving people after the initial attention decreases?

· Do we remember birthdays, anniversaries, holidays, and the anniversary of the death?

· Do our leaders know how to recognize when someone may need additional support?

· What grief-care resources can we confidently recommend?

· How would we know if someone quietly slipped through the cracks?

These questions are not criticisms. They are invitations to strengthen the church’s care.

After Everyone Goes Home

Some of the most important ministry to grieving people begins after the sanctuary has been cleaned, the funeral programs put away, and everyone else has gone home.

That is when grieving people begin learning how to live in a changed world.

The church cannot eliminate grief, and pastors cannot accompany every person through every moment of sorrow. But church leaders can build a culture in which care continues beyond the funeral.

The question is not simply:

“Do we conduct funerals well?”

It is: “Are we prepared to provide grief care after the funeral?”

Because the funeral may be over

BUT GRIEF IS NOT

 

When You Feel You’ve Failed the People You Love

By Rev. Dr. Terence K. Leathers

You can love your family and still wonder whether you have let them down. Maybe you wish you had been more present for your children, or you question whether you are doing enough for an aging parent. If you are carrying that regret, you deserve room to talk about it without being reduced to your mistakes.

I know that feeling as a father. Looking back at my daughter’s life, I can see where I could have been more present and listened with greater patience. Those are hard things to admit when you love someone and wish you had handled certain moments differently.

As a son, I ask myself whether I am doing enough for my mother, who is presently in a care facility. I am trying to do as much as I can, but the question stays with me. Perhaps you know what it feels like to give what you have and still wonder whether it is enough.

Being a man does not mean getting everything right. I am learning that strength includes being able to say, “I was wrong, I could have done better, and I’m sorry.” We need room for men to have that conversation and support as they decide what to do next.

Regret can show you where something needs to change, but it does not have to define the rest of your life. Where you have caused hurt, begin by listening to the person affected and taking responsibility for your part. An apology may open the conversation; following through gives that person a reason to believe something is changing.

Writing Portrait of a Queen: Finding Faith, Hope, and Healing After Loss led me to look at myself. I cannot change yesterday, but I can use what I have learned to make different choices today. My faith reminds me that failure does not get the last word; God does.

What will you do with what failure has taught you? Give yourself time to answer honestly, then choose one step you can take today. You may need to offer an apology or have a conversation with someone you trust about what you have been carrying.

Is Your Organization Prepared to Manage a Grant?

By Dr. Teresa A. Smith

Applying for a grant can require hours of research, planning, writing, and gathering documents. Before your organization invests that time, you need to know whether it is prepared to manage the funding if the application is approved.

You may have found a grant that could help you expand a program, serve more people, hire staff, purchase supplies, or respond to a need in your community. You may even meet the basic eligibility requirements. However, eligibility tells you whether your organization is allowed to apply. It does not tell you whether your team has the people, financial systems, and reporting processes needed to manage the grant.

Before anyone begins writing the application, answer three questions:

1. Who will manage the grant money?
2. Who will collect the required program information?
3. Who will make sure every deadline is met?

Your answers can help you decide whether your organization is prepared to apply or whether some internal systems need attention first.

Who Will Manage the Grant Money?

Receiving a grant does not mean your organization can spend the money however it chooses. The funds must be used according to the approved budget and the funder's requirements.

Someone needs to monitor expenses, maintain accurate financial records, review purchases, and make sure the money is being used for its approved purpose. Ask who will manage the budget, who will approve purchases, how expenses will be documented, and who will compare spending to the approved budget.

Also consider what will happen when someone wants to make a purchase that was not included in the budget. Having a process for answering that question before the grant begins can prevent problems later. A strong program idea still needs a reliable financial process behind it.

Who Will Collect the Required Information?

Funders typically require organizations to document how grant-funded work is being carried out. Depending on the grant, your team may need to track who received services, what activities were provided, how funds were spent, and information connected to the results of the program.

Waiting until a report is due to gather this information can leave your team searching through emails, attendance records, receipts, and program notes. A clear process allows your organization to document its work as it happens.

Before applying, ask what information will need to be collected, who will collect it, where records will be stored, how often they will be reviewed, and who will check them for accuracy. Your organization should also consider how private information will be protected and make sure staff members and partners understand their responsibilities.

Who Will Keep the Organization on Schedule?

The work does not end when a grant is awarded. Your organization may have progress reports, financial reports, reimbursement requests, program information, and other requirements throughout the grant period.

A shared calendar can help your team track those responsibilities, but a calendar cannot complete the work. Each requirement needs someone responsible for making sure it gets done.

Decide who will monitor deadlines, prepare the required information, and review documents before they are submitted. Setting internal deadlines before the funder's deadlines can also give your team time to find missing information or correct errors. When everyone assumes someone else will handle a responsibility, important tasks can be overlooked.

What If Your Organization Does Not Have Every Answer?

Discovering a gap does not automatically mean your organization should abandon the opportunity. It may simply mean that writing the application is not the next step.

Perhaps you need to identify who will manage the grant, strengthen a financial procedure, create a better way to collect program information, or clarify responsibilities among staff members and partners. You may also need to determine whether your team actually has the time and capacity to complete the proposed work.

Finding those gaps before applying gives you an opportunity to address them. That is far better than receiving funding and then discovering that your organization does not have the structure needed to manage it.

Preparation Protects the Program

A grant can help your organization address an important community need. It also brings rules, deadlines, documentation, and responsibilities.

Before investing time in an application, look beyond whether your organization qualifies. Return to the three questions: Who will manage the money? Who will collect the information? Who will make sure every deadline is met?

Everybody wants the grant. The larger goal is to make sure your organization can manage the funding, complete the proposed work, and serve the people who are counting on the program.

If your organization has found a grant and needs help determining whether it is prepared to apply, visit ASKDRTAS.com to connect with Dr. Teresa A. Smith